"Loveless marriages are horrible. But there is one thing worse than an absolutely loveless marriage. A marriage in which there is love, but on one side only; faith, but on one side only; devotion, but on one side only, and in which of the two hearts one is sure to be broken." - Oscar Wilde
Today was a tough day. I woke up feeling lonely, trapped, and unloved. I used to dream of a loving and fulfilling marriage, but that's not what I have. Instead, I'm stuck in a loveless marriage with a partner who doesn't care about my feelings, my needs, or our child's well-being.
I remember when we used to talk about everything, but as time went by, we drifted apart. I tried to reach out, but he didn't seem interested. Instead, he would put me down all the time, making me feel like I wasn't good enough. It's been a while since he's helped with the house chores. He thinks it's beneath him and that he can get things easily without putting in any effort. It's frustrating because I feel like I'm carrying the burden of the household on my own.
But what hurts the most is how he doesn't care about our child. Even when I was pregnant, he didn't want to be there for the appointments or the baby care practice lessons. All he did was pretend he was busy, and that made me feel so alone. It's like I was doing everything by myself, and he didn't care.
I tried to make things work. I talked to him about how I felt, but he didn't want to listen. He always made it about him and his needs and blamed me for everything. It's like he couldn't see that he was hurting me. Instead, he made me feel like I was the problem, and that hurt me even more. It's like he doesn't care about me or our marriage, and that's the worst feeling ever.
But then today, everything changed. I found out he was cheating behind my back. I found out his messages with a woman, whom he had been having an intense relationship since I was pregnant. When I read those messages, my heart shattered into a million pieces. It's like my worst fears were confirmed, and I felt like I was suffocating.
I knew I had to leave. I knew I couldn't stay in a loveless marriage with a partner who didn't care and cheated on me. It's not easy because I don't know what the future holds, but I know it's the best decision I ever made. I realized that I had to love myself first before I could love anyone else. I had to take care of myself and my child, and that's what I'm doing.
It's not going to be easy, but I'm determined to make it work. I'm going to be strong for myself and my daughter. I'm going to find the happiness and love that I deserve, even if it means starting all over again.
TRUTH: I am scared.