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  • Writer's pictureOanh Kim

Motherhood: Breaking the Cycle of Comparison and Judgment

"Motherhood is the biggest gamble in the world. It is the glorious life force. It's huge and scary - it's an act of infinite optimism." - Gilda Radner.

Motherhood is one of the most challenging, yet rewarding journeys a woman can experience. It's a time when women can bond over the joys and struggles of raising children. Unfortunately, sometimes it can also be a time when we bring each other down. As a society, we need to recognize this and work towards building each other up instead of tearing each other down.

When I first became a mother, I felt like I had to put on a brave face and act like everything was perfect, even when it wasn't. Society tends to paint motherhood as a blissful experience where everything is rainbows and butterflies. It can be really isolating when you feel like you're the only one struggling. I wanted to open up to other mothers, but I felt fearful that I would get the dagger eyes for the way I parent or my decisions compared to the social media glorified way. It would have made a world of difference if I had friends who were having kids at the same time, but I didn't have anyone, which left me with no outlet to share. Now looking back, I would have loved to hear someone tell me that it's okay to not love every aspect of motherhood, and I wished I knew that mother support groups existed (I didn't use social media to know that they were there).

To the mothers out there who feel or wonder if they are doing a good job or not, those who are unsure of what you are doing, those who feel alone, know that there is no "right" way to be a mother. Every woman's experience is unique! Your choices will be different, and that is fine. Whether it's breastfeeding or formula feeding, working outside of the home or being a stay-at-home mom, you are loved and respected.

I know there is a tendency to compare ourselves to other moms and feel inadequate or judge others for their parenting choices. This is toxic! Snap out of it! It's all in your head. Let go of the toxic layers.

If social media is making you feel inadequate, stop using it. If someone is making you feel less of a mom, cut them off. Get rid of any negativity in your world, and that includes your thoughts. Stop scrutinizing and criticizing yourself.

Let's break this cycle, whether it's your mind or your comparisons to other women, and support each other and support mothers. Let's focus on uplifting and celebrating each other's successes, rather than tearing each other down. We need to embrace the fact that we are all in this together, and it takes a village to raise a child.

TRUTH: I want to be able to be honest without judgment. We should feel comfortable sharing our struggles and asking for help when we need it. We can also celebrate the unique qualities and strengths that each mother brings to the table. By recognizing and celebrating these qualities, we can build each other up and create a more positive and supportive environment.

As mothers, we need to come together and support each other. Let's break the cycle of comparison and judgment and focus on uplifting and celebrating each other. By doing so, we can create a community of strong, empowered, and confident women who are raising the next generation with love and compassion.


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