The Other Woman
"Relationships are stories. When you pick a partner, you pick a story. And sometimes you find yourself recruited for a play you didn't audition for." - Esther Perel
I never thought I would be the kind of woman to have an affair with a married man. But here I am, caught up in this messy situation and feeling both happy and guilty at the same time.
It all started when I met him through online dating. He was charming and handsome. He always knew how to make me laugh. We became friends quickly, and before I knew it, we were spending more and more time together.
One night, we went out for drinks after work, and one thing led to another. We ended up kissing, and it was like fireworks exploded in my head. I felt alive and desirable, something I hadn't felt in a long time.
The fact that he was married didn't bother me at first. In fact, it almost made the situation more exciting. I knew what I was doing was wrong, but I didn't care. After all, I had been married to a cheater before. I knew what it was like to be on the other side of this situation, and now I was the one in control.
As time went on, we continued to see each other in secret. I felt loved by him, even though I knew he was still with his wife. But deep down, I was struggling. I knew what we were doing was wrong, and I couldn't help but feel guilty.
Yet, at the same time, there was a thrill in being the other woman. I felt like I had power over him, like I could woo him until he cheated and eventually left his wife for me. I knew it was a fantasy, but it was a fantasy that made me feel alive.
But as time went on (2 years), I began to see the cracks in our relationship. He would cancel our plans at the last minute, and I began to wonder if he was truly committed to me. I started to feel like I was just a side piece, someone he could turn to when he needed a break from his real life.
I knew I had to end things, but it was hard. I was addicted to the feeling of being wanted, of being desired. It was like a drug that I couldn't quit. He was my convenience. He paid for all the dinners, hotels, and vacation trips. He bought me expensive purses, dresses, etc. He was there only when I needed him and never needed to know his real life. I was his escape, and he was my lover without drama.
In the end, I knew what I was doing was wrong, and I had to face the consequences. I ended things with him, and while it was hard, it was right. I couldn't continue down this path of deceit and lies.
Looking back, I realize that I was trying to fill a void in my life. I wanted to feel loved and desired. But now I realize there are healthier ways to find happiness, and I am committed to finding them.
TRUTH: I miss him so much.